I just want to be clear up front, that it is not my intention to infer that any other father is wrong about their daughters. But, I have the three most beautiful daughters in world. Period. That is just how it is. And, that will never change.
There is a lot of conversation going on about Miss Universe, weight, looks, misogyny. It is all important, and one of the key things that determines what kind of person you are, depending on your reaction to them. I don't understand "beauty" pageants nor do I understand their fascination to the public. Of course, they usually have attractive young ladies, depending on your particular attractiveness criteria.
But, they do nothing to measure, quantify or otherwise award beauty. Beauty is the sum quotient of your personality, your heart, your dedication, your love and your soul. It has almost nothing to do with how you look. Because how you look is so transient, it should not be considered in how you define beautiful. Your heart, your soul, your love, those are eternal things and are capable of expressing your beauty.
I am not trying to get into some debate about women's rights and the worth of women. I don't even know how to express how wonderful the women in my life, in my family, my friends, my work colleagues, are. They are all beautiful. And, nothing about that is wrapped up in how they look.
But, my wife, my daughters, are the most beautiful things in my life. The only thing that is as beautiful as they are, is my son. I have three daughters, vibrant, resilient, intelligent, caring, dedicated, talented, and excellent young women. They amaze me, they inspire me, and they humble me with all that they are. There is nothing, nothing, that you could explain or show to me to change that opinion. That is about love, parenting and self knowledge.
I do not attempt to understand why God gifted me with the perfect three women to be my daughters. I just acknowledge, He knew. I do not mean that they are perfect. I know better. But, they are perfect to be my daughters.
They have courage. They have humor. They have honor. They have heart. They are wondrous. They are glorious. And, that will remain my opinion, my fact, forever.
So, when the public. conversation turns to "beauty" it disturbs me. Because, I know how special that word is, and it misused to describe attractiveness, cultural norms, individual preferences. It is wrapped up in huge personal emotions. It is the definition, the standard of some women's lives. It is a burden, a goal, an attainment that they cannot ever feel they reach, because it is always different in everyone's eyes. It makes superstars overnight, but immediately turns others ugly and mean over the attention.
See, beauty is something we are all gifted with. When a person understands that beauty is within them, their essence, and is a gift from God, that beauty shines out and is plain to all to see. When your life is a constant struggle to remain attractive, in the delusion that is beauty, the baggage gets heavy.
We tell our young girls that their attractiveness is tied up in their self worth. If you are "not" attractive by the judge of the public, your worth is less somehow. That is a horrible thing to do to any person, but most especially our daughters. They look to us, regardless of their age, or how long you have been their parent, as arbiters of their actual worth. We are to be the mirror, the reflection of truth, gifted from God, that they utilize to stabilize and understand their world.
None of us get it completely right. I am sure that I have failed Emma, Tara and Kasey in various ways, around maintaining their worth, their self esteem. I am sure that I have not reaffirmed their beauty and unique brand of wonderful at every available opportunity.
That is all on me, and one of the great failures of my life. Because they are all three, each one and together, the pinnacle of beauty to me. And, if they have to look no further than directly behind them, urging them on to the heights of success they will achieve, to see me mirror that beauty, than I am only doing the minimum that God decreed for me. And it is an honor I do not deserve.
We should honor all the women we know, not because they are women, but because they are people deserving of it. We should not be blinded to issues because of the fact they are women, but we should not assume they have issues because they are women. Women are not the same as men, but that does not mean that men cannot understand how to live with women.
Women deserve respect. They deserve fair opportunity. They deserve reassurance. They deserve challenges. They deserve relationsips. They deserve hope. They deserve support.
All of our daughters do. Because regardless, they are some father's daughter. It is hard to remember at all times, because we are fallible people. But it is wrong to claim that because we are men, we can't figure it out. That is lazy and ill advised. Especially if you want to deal with my daughters, you better get it straight. Not only because I am still redneck enough to get the job done if I need to, but because they are going to make certain you do.
Not all daughters receive the support and encouragement and back up they deserve. It motivates them to be focused in ways I feel are unhealthy. They tie their worth to their looks, and then find something ugly in the mirror and because of that error, degrade their worth. They listen to cultural clues that tell them they are not able to do this or that. They receive implicit and explicit messages all day, every day that lies to them about their worth and their limits. Entire industries exist around the vanity that we enforce on our children and most cruelly upon our daughters.
It is all wrong. And, it is beyond my ability to fix. But, all I can do as a Dad, is wake up every day loving them more than I thought possible. All I can do is keep telling them what I know to be true, that they are more wonderful than they guess. All I can do is remind them and encourage them to reach for their dreams, because they are overqualified to be whatever they want. All I can do is sympathize with their setbacks, celebrate their successes and understand, to the best of my ability, the pains and the hurts.
I don't get it right, but I never lose sight of just how blessed I am. All three of those girls will no that someone in this world finds them beautiful, finds them exactly right, just the way they are. I think that is the highest calling a man can have, and is the essence of being a father. It is why we call God, Father, because He accepts us and finds us exactly right, as we are. There is nothing by accident in the creation of the Lord.
So, when a society finds it appropriate to objectify their daughters, it is a sickness and black stain on that society. It happens in all societies. But like every other sin, we are supposed to stop when we realize we are sinning. I don't watch beauty pageants. Because they aren't about beauty. They are about pretty, but Pretty Pageant sounds just as shallow and worthless as it is. And, don't mistake me, those women are someone's daughter, and I am sure they are beautiful. But they are being judged on pretty, because in a contest with bikinis or "sports wear" and world peace questions, you cannot judge beauty. Miss Universe is an exceptionally pretty women on an objective scale. She is beautiful to someone, she is someone's daughter and I would never call her anything but beauutiful. But, the inference that she is the most beautiful woman in the universe is wrong. Because she isn't all three of my daughters, and they are, all three, the most beautiful women in the universe.
So, when you hear this current debate, understand that the whole premise is flawed, and wrong. And neither side is clean, because making hay from someone's suffering is really not any more atttractive than being someone making money off objectifying women. Calling someone's daughter "pigs", "disgusting", "ugly", is just wrong from a person standpoint.
And, I am no holier than thou. Won't claim that I am forever innocent of this issue, or have always understood this. I am positive that I have failed in this regard along the way. That is not a proud admission on my part. It is just that deep a part of the fabric of our society. And it goes beyond elections and such. God does not want us to behave in this way. It is not appropriate by any standard I recognize.
I just needed to say that, to put that out there. Because I watched this mess unfolding, and all I thought is, that poor young lady, I hope she had someone to make her understand that none of that mess had anything to do with her being beautiful. I don't know if she did. But, I want my daughters to know they do, and the world to understand it when I am that man, that father, and defend them, buoy them, brag about them, worry about them, and correct any wrong crap about them.
It is a Dad thing, and from one Dad, to all the rest of you, I hope you have a Dad in your life that makes you or made you understand this.
No comments:
Post a Comment