Gone to see the elephant

Please, take a moment and read this account.  It is the most cogent account of combat and battle that I have ever read.  I owe a lot to that Army puke writing those words.  Because of him, and the men like him, my war stories involve deep water operations and shipboard things.  I was never in the trenches, pulling triggers, doing what the combat guys do.  But, I do understand the impulse, that you can never go beyond the wire (or into the fire), until your buddies suit up.  You'll be damned if they won't have all the help you can give them.

http://www.military.com/NewContent/0,13190,Galloway_062304,00.html

I can't add anything to his account, it is not in my experience.  But there is one passage to highlight.  A single sentence, "One of them made it, one did not."

That chilling division, the ultimate line of demarcation, is what today is about.  Today is about those who did not.  They did not live.  They did not return.  They did not make it.

But, what they gave, is more precious than all that is contained in Fort Knox.  It is what fuels America, the ideal, the place this is supposed to be and rarely is.  It is the antithesis of what we see on TV and in our politics.  Real moral courage, tested to the ultimate extent, nothing held back, nothing covered over.

I do not deserve to know men such as these.  I am not worthy.  But, I will continue to remind all that they are worthy.  I will continue to say that the last full measure will never be in vain.  I will continue to appeal that we remember them, before we remember some imagined slight, or "offensive" comment.  How silly is your offense at a word, compared to the offense that war made on them?

Stand proud, do not yield, but never be offended.  You are American.  Men and women died for you, to take whatever cheap shot, hateful word gets spoken.  They died for the freedom to speak stupidity and hate, because it goes hand in hand with speaking of compassion and love.  There are only waypoints, there are no absolutes to human nature.

They did not die so that you can post pictures of the flag they were buried under, and claim this group or that group is not American.  They did not die so that you could bear arms.  They did not die so that you could worship freely.  They did not die so that you could have today off.  They died because they believed that America was worth the sacrifice and the loss.  They died because they believed you were worth the sacrifice and the loss.

Stop being angry today, and be mindful.  Be mindful that less and less a percentage of our population knows military service.  Be mindful that the leadership of Congress, the Executive and the Judicial branches of government are almost entirely absent any military experience.  Be mindful that those that are most loud about the rights of Americans are generally those that have never stood on the line, never went down to the sea.  Be mindful that we TAKE FOR GRANTED that our military will win, and yet, flag draped coffins continue to arrive at Dover.

So, today, be mindful.  Think of them.  Ask yourself, why them?  I do.  Why them, and not me?  How did the dice fall that spared me, yet took them?  Would I have the courage to face what they faced, given the risk?  Do I have the courage to stand up and demand respect for them, just in conversation?  Do I have the courage to respect them with my voice and my vote and my participation?

Drive to any Veterans cemetery, stare at those stark white markers in their precise rows, and ask yourself if you would go see the elephant, and if you haven't, why aren't you demanding more from us all, for those that did.  But, do not disrespect the silence that lays over that field.  Their silence, it is their last greatest weapon, and their most beautiful testimony.  On the backs of their burden, we are yet free.  God bless those who have given their all, and God rest their souls, wherever they lie.

Devotion

Particularly, in times of stress, or doubt, or worry, I review these words:

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract.

The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

-- Abraham Lincoln

This is, perhaps, the most famous speech ever given.  Most of us have been asked to memorize all or portions of it as an assignment, or part of a school program.  The last segment, highlighted in red is perhaps the most famous piece of this speech.

But, its power and majesty only derive from its truth, not from its oratory brilliance.  Whatever your challenge, before you has gone someone else.  From that person, from that sacrifice, we must take increased devotion.  We have to resolve that we will live in full honor of that devotion.  And that more will pass this way again, because of our journey.

Maybe that is why we are off work tomorrow, to think about where our devotion must be increased, so that our journey honors someone, and that the way is better prepared for those who will come behind us.  We should never be on a path that no one else is meant to travel, because that can only lead to a destination no one wants to go.

GLYASDI

Memorial Day

This weekend is not about me, or my fellow living veterans, a smaller and smaller share of the populace.  But, we are not being honored and do not wish to be honored.  This weekend, this memorial is for those of our brethren that have passed on in service, or following service to our nation, in the fullness of their life.

It is calculated, estimated, (someone somewhere dreamed up) that 1.3+ million Americans have laid down their lives in defense of this country.  I have no idea if that number is correct, but for sake of discussion, we will assume that it is close to accurate.  Literally, we don't know for sure, because of fires in the records repositories and just crappy paperwork all along.  The first and everlasting hallmark of the American military, the paperwork is crap.

400,000 of them (and growing) are buried at Arlington National Cemetery.  We see those green fields and it is mostly overwhelming.  The sense of honor and dignity that is there is nearly impossible to deny.  There, in their hundreds of thousands, are the sons of daughters of our Manifest Destiny.  It is almost more than we can absorb.

Among their ranks, in the peaceful repose their sacrifice has earned, are illiterate, uneducated, coarse, refined, impoverished, wealthy, fluent, non-English speaking, known and forever unknown.  The fields there contain all that has made America, and all that will ensure America continually remakes itself.

Heroes, every single one of them, not simply for the military actions that they saw, but because they all, every one of them, died having defended the Constitution of the United States of America.  Even those from other nations entombed there, died in common calamity with our dreams, desires and aspirations.

We have heard that this nation is a shining city on a hill, which beckons in freedom and glory, for all those that desire no more than to live free of the tyranny of other men.  It is our most noble self, as a nation.  We are the standard, the benchmark, to which others aspire.  We, the people, the very idea that as a people we could contrive a governance that ultimately lies in our hands, regardless of station or class, is still the envy of the world.  Our 227 years since the Constitution became our system of government has defined the standard by which all other nations have judged themselves.

I do not claim it is perfect, for we are informed by our majority Judeo-Christian faiths, that perfection rests only within God.  I do not claim it is without flaw, in fact we have 26 times ratified as a nation of citizens, changes required to improve our system.  I do not claim that our history is without stain, for we have practiced slavery, genocide, and today respond to race baiting and misogyny with rabid force.  I have witnessed, with my own eyes, the reservation system.  I have, with my own eyes, seen the ghettos, lived in some of them.

No, nowhere in this broad, beautiful land, do we even scratch the surface of perfect.  But, that is not the American dream, nor the compact we have made with ourselves.  We, the people, in order to form a MORE perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty for ourselves and our posterity, did ordain and establish that Constitution.

If you listen to conventional wisdom, then the score card is poor.  We have not achieved perfect.  We struggle with justice.  We do not possess domestic tranquility.  We disproportionately rely on the poor and disadvantaged for our common defense.  We have tiered and stratified the general welfare to alarming levels, and the razor's edge of liberty hangs in the balance of every commercial and campaign.

If you have not been blessed with the opportunity to see more of this world than our beautiful 50 states, allow me to at least suggest my perspective.  Even in comparison to our closest allies and imitators of western culture we have a MORE perfect union than any you can find.  Germany, the UK, Canada, France, Japan, even the golden dream of Denmark, Sweden, they pale in comparison to the whole of our wondrous, fractured, jagged and daring union.  Our union does not unite a small ethnicity inured to thousands of years of cohabitation with some mingling around the edges.  Our union does not unite a people so appalled at their own past atrocities that they have subsumed their own identity to reparation.  Our union does not provide for all, in no manner, but instead shields, shepherds and strengthens all under our umbrella, to the farthest ends of the earth.  Without us, the golden luster and allure of these wonderful places, become small entities on the edges of voracious hunters ready for prey.

Without our imperfect union, as divided as we may feel, German or Russian would be the only language spoken east of France, and the British Isles might still retain English, but only in the same beset way that our own Lakota retain their language.  This is not bombast.  This is the fruit and labor of the sacrifice, made by those heroes, in all their hundreds of thousands, finding rest for their soul upon our hallowed ground.  I defy you to stand at any point in Arlington, and behold the incredible symmetry and enormity of the place, and not understand, finally, the incredible debt the entire world owes all of those honored men and women.

Like their country, they are, none of them, perfect.  None of the commingled remains of the Challenger crew that are interred there, none of the commingled remains of the unknowns in our most famous tomb, none of the heroes of Ardennes, St. Lo, Normandy, Berlin, frozen Chosin, Ia Drang, Kuwait City, Baghdad, Fallujah, nor the many that passed on years after their service in honor, but joined their fellows and comrades in the eternal silent watch that they maintain.

We are none of us perfect.  We are none of us worthy.  We are none of us without fault, failing.  But, together, we are something the world had not seen before, and has been chasing along after.  We are free.  We maintain the beacon of liberty to  a world darkly oppressed and beset.  We are that shining city on a hill, if for no other reason than that, we are together.

I submit that instead of saving hundreds on a mattress, or Jetta assembled in Mexico (wherever), that this weekend, especially this season of turmoil and distress, should be used for political debate, at the review grounds at Arlington.  The darker natures that have invaded our contenders for leadership have no stamina against the gleam and brilliance of the selfless honor spread before them.  The invective, the personal aggrandizement and attack, the misrepresentation, it has no home there, nor would it be tolerated.

Candidates avoid speaking in such places.  In such places, the solemn duty they hope to undertake becomes so starkly evident, that even the narcissistic personality required for candidacy is cowed.  In those places, there is only room for truth and light, humility before your heroes, and thankfulness for their brilliance, which yours does not match in any way.  Speaking in humility, and truth, with respect and discernment would be so welcome today, would it not?

Imagine the silent sentinels, each at attention at their appointed place of duty until the Resurrection, their silent and stony disapproval of what we have allowed to come about from their sacrifice and their promise.  I do.  And, it makes me kind of sad about myself, that I have participated.  On every continent, there are graves on hallowed ground, given by sovereign nations to heroes from our soil, that spilled their last life blood in defense of our ideals, and THEIR homes.  They stand guard, eternally faced toward our nearest shore.  In every corner of our land, brothers of the largest assembled military presence in America, Arlington National Cemetery, stand their own silent sentinel.

This Memorial Day, even if you go mattress shopping, at least consider that.  Take back control of this nation that these men and women, of common and yet extraordinary stock, who died after honorable service, loved and love still.  Refuse to allow the perverse and embarrassing discourse we hear.  Stand up and demand that adults act like adults.  When they don't, ask them this simple question.  Would you stand in the center of Arlington, and spew that filth, amongst our greatest and most revered?  Would you have the gall and misery within you, to contaminate that place with the antithesis of what they all served and loved?  Would you present yourself to them, as an honorable descendant of their family?

For, we are in the midst of picking the Commander in Chief.  We are in the midst of trying to find someone worthy of giving a lawful order to the likes of Alvin York, Audie Murphy, Roy Benavides, Chris Kyle, Nathan Hale, Ulysses S. Grant, Karl Brashear, Gus Grissom, Allen Shepherd, Neal Armstrong, Robbie Stetham, Grace Hopper.  Please by all means, look those names up that you do not know.  These are the titans of our history, the fabric of our unity and the blood of our nation.  They are our greatest and best.  When you cast a vote for President, are you doing justice to what they stand for, and for what they did and produced?

I personally knew Robbie Stetham.  Now Master Chief Stetham, posthumous, who was one of my biggest sources of pride when I made Master Chief, I was there with Robbie.  I did not deserve the comparison, but I was just proud to share the title he was given.  My service was nothing, compared to these men, and yet, because this is America and has remained America, it is everything.

There are others, Arthur L. Goode, James M. Carroll, David M. Hanson, Genie Mercer, William H. Hill Jr., Leon Maddox, Harold Nester, Julius Meyer,  Robert Goode.  These names are not notable in history, they are however, notable to me.  I feel their eyes on me, as I discharge my duty as a citizen.

That is what Memorial Day means.  Stop and remember that there is a long line, back to 1775, of those who sacrificed their last measure, for the idea of freedom.  I know how far short of their goal we consistently come.  But, I am not ashamed of their effort, and I will not bemoan the fate of the nation they built.  Think of them, each time you talk politics.  Do your statements stand their scrutiny?  Think of them every time you vote.  Are you picking a candidate that upholds their ideal, honors their sacrifice?  And, if you find, as I have this election, that there is no candidate or position that fits that standard, vow to make it better in the future.

But, have a care what you promise these people.  We have lost 1.3 million good and bad souls, in defense of this nation.  Over half of that total comes from the Civil War.  We are still the only nation capable of actually fighting this nation to a prolonged victory.  Never, ever discount the power, reach and ability of the men and women gone before for our ideal.  Keep your promises to them.

And, on this weekend, offer at least a prayer for their souls, for their rest, and for the blessing of God, on us, who they served and protected so valiantly.  They stand an everlasting watch over us.  Straighten your back and bend your knee, to give them some honor.  Then go buy the Jetta, just don't make this weekend about that, or the start of summer, or the whatever.  At least, at the very least, thank the Lord they gave their measure, and pray more do not need to pay that price to ensure your freedom to offer that prayer.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.  That is the Bible, and one of those great universal truths.

I say this, greater honor hath no person than this, that they lay down their life in defense of this nation.  Do you believe that too?

GLYASDI

Keep it between the navigational beacons

This week is almost over, thanks be to God.  I have to tell you that this week has been a season of discontent for me professionally.  I spent most of my time, managing my own frustrations and disappointments and angers.  It has caused me undue stress, loss of sleep and nearly exhausted my pharmacy of things kept for simply that purpose.

The good news is that whatever foreign company bought out Budweiser, made some money, and will make some more before this long weekend.  I bet they were Belgians.  I don't know why, but I have a perverse dislike for Belgians this morning, a people I usually only consider when I order waffles.

I don't think I am less unsettled professionally.  In fact, if anything, in many ways, I am even more conflicted than I started the week.  I don't know that I have made any progress down the road I wish to travel, nor in settling things I think need settled.  I have come to the point where there is just not  enough "give a crap" in my tank to fight through much more this week.  That low tank level warning has illuminated on the dashboard and will not go out.

I have been here before.  It centered around being told that I would have the fine choice of moving my teenage children to Japan for all of their high school experience, or leaving them where they were and taking myself away to Japan for all of their high school experience.  I kept getting those choices given to me by everyone involved, and they all dismissed the third option that I contributed as "idle threat", "stupid", "never going to happen", and my favorite "even you aren't that stubborn a dumbass to do that."  I got that last one from most of my closest confidantes and friends.  We were not shy about brutal honesty, my circle of associates.  And, I am way more stubborn than there is a scale to measure it, and my ass aint all that smart either.

Today, I look back, and while I appreciate the place from which their advice came, and I genuinely regret the real anger some of them felt and expressed at me, I decided to make them accept that third option.  I am not all that good with subterfuge.  I had just made Master Chief.  I was in position to take the job I had spent 21 years working toward, Bull Nuke on a Nimitz class aircraft carrier.  I was prepared for it, having had the opportunity to spend the previous 6 years working for 2 of the best Bull Nukes I was ever privileged to know.  (They were the first and loudest adherents to the dumb ass theory.)  But, even though they all lined up to oppose it, I have never yet lost a military encounter on a battlefield of my own choosing.  That explains why February 9, 2007, I requested permission to go ashore for the last time, ever in my life.

It was a very good job that very few got the opportunity to consider.  It was on a ship that I had previously served on, and knew many of the crew well, and like them.  Honestly, there was time enough left to me to take that position, and move on to Force Master Chief for either the Pacific or Atlantic Fleet, and then who knows what kind of Pentagon job.  The path was there, and I had fought tooth and nail for it for 21 years.

But, I loved my family way more than I loved the Navy.  Do not mistake me, there will never be another second of my life, since I took that initial oath to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States agains all enemies, foreign and domestic, that I am not a SAILOR.  I can't think of a greater compliment than that word, and I am sailor enough to understand when Shipmate is used as a cussword, and I know the attendant cusswords to use back.

Detailers, Satan's spawn, and Community Managers, Satan's, always called you shipmate.  They had limited options and issues that precluded them making everyone happy.  I got that, and some of them were friends, and the non-cussword version of shipmates of mine.  But, in September of 2006, they were all bastards that needed to be beat with a 2 X 4.  I even got the bullshit, "you are the only guy we are considering for this job, because you are the only guy that can do it."  "You are the guy with the integrated plant and ship understanding.  You know how to recruit and build the best team out of whatever resources you have.  You know the training required, and you know the politics that will be required."

I got that from a very senior member of the Fleet Staff, who I happened to have worked for previously.  Man had not seen me in 10 years, and had absolutely no idea if I was a big bag of ass, or a squared away sailor at that point in my career.  But, what I was, is a guy in a rating that was overmanned, who had developed 4 Chiefs under him on the ship I was stationed on (made multiples of my replacement), had completed multiple ORSE examinations as the guy in charge of training and drills, and had a clean record.  I was expendable where I was, and everyone else that they really wanted for the job was not.

I don't even know who they assigned to the task.  I took Option 3.  I rolled out.  I got all the things that come with pissing off the establishment.  "You will regret this forever."  "I refuse to approve it."  "You will be trying to get back in a month after you retire."  "You will never find a job, except in a power plant."  "You are the dumbest bastard I ever thought was smart at one time."

As for not approving it, I told them fine, mark it No and send it on.  I had already done my research, I knew that we were 125% manned in the Navy in my specialty, and that I would not be required even at my current command.  As for regret, have not found one yet.  I miss the people that I have lost touch with, but, God gifted me with great people in my life now in exchange.  As for trying to get back in, or not finding a job, I was making a paycheck from the non-power plant company I still work for, while on terminal leave and receiving active duty pay.  Since September 10, 1985, I have never not been fully employed a day in my life.

As for the dumb bastard part, well, I know my parents, and that makes me smart enough to not be dumb since I know I am not a bastard.

Point of all this is, I have carried a heavy load for the last few weeks. Things are just not gelling.  It has had me nerved up, pissed off, easy to annoy and stressed out.  Officially, the hell with all that.  I have gotten underway, under my own power before, and never failed to find the pier at the end of the day.  I don't think I have the capacity for regret, because I am a life long learner.  My worst moments have taught me deep lessons, and I don't regret them, I kind of treasure them.

There is a clarity in confidence.  There is a surety in moral authority.  There is a peace in the arms of Christ.  So I don't know exactly what will happen today, or next week, or next year.  But, I won't be going to Japan, for damn sure.  And if you don't think I mean that, you are sadly mistaken and far behind the learning curve.  Or, maybe I go to Japan because I want to see it, not because I have to be there.  Either way, things are going to start working for me, or I am going to have to find a place of peace that I can do my work.  There is not enough of my life left, to waste any of it fighting it out, not even for the right reasons.

All this being said, is simply to encourage others, there are forks in the road every single day.  The fork that gives you the creeps, that you just cannot even look at without knowing it is a failure, is exactly what it seems, WRONG.  Never be afraid to take your own fork in the road.  However many, and for whatever reasons they have, there will always be those that can't help but be the ones laying the dumb bastard tag on you.  Dumb or smart, choose fulfilled, content and at ease in your soul.

It also will help you to know, God has this already figured out.  You are not going to surprise Him in anyway.  Even if you were to make the "WRONG" choice, He is still there guiding you.  He is the ultimate GPS, because it takes him zero time to reroute, and He does not feel the need to tell you He is doing it, so that you get confirmation you are lost as a goose in a snow storm.  Right, wrong or indifferent, if you make the decision in prayer, in faith, and in confidence of your own soul, God will always see you through to Him.  I have zero reassurance He will take you to your goal, unless you have the exact right one, which is Him.  It might not pass through a promotion, or a relocation, or the removal of the one that aggravates you daily.  But, it will pass through every single thing He needs you to have, on your way to Him.  Getting to Him is a forever destination.

So, drop the worry.  Pray the prayers, believe on Him for your needs, and step on out.  Japan is a bad choice, all the way around, and if that is what He is telling you, whatever else you end up doing, it aint Japan.  And, that is immediate reward enough to keep you firm on the path.

Hope the tide rises gently beneath you, the winds shift to a favorable quarter, the soundings are clear and deep.  And keep it between the navigational beacons, which is somewhere between Genesis 1:1 (In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.) and Revelations 22:21 (The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people.  Amen.)  Getting lost between those beacons is just not possible.  Stay true to course, even if the water looks better outside the buoys.  That is illusion and lie, St Elmo's Fire.

Beyond there, there be dragons.

There are rocks in the channel, but God's angels are the Coast Guard that patrol there.  And, in all of the reaches of time, they have never failed to rescue anyone that sent out a distress call.  It isn't SOS, it is Lord, help me!  Because it is not SOS, you don't even have to send it out in Morse Code, just heartfelt prayer.

GLYASDI

HE STRENGTHENS US!

I woke up feeling a heavy burden.  I am in a serious season of decision, and possibly huge change. This has been going on for days.  This morning, I put the Bible to work on it, finally.

This is what I found:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. (Isaiah 41:10)

Well, easier to read than to do, I will admit that.  So I found this:

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope, then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek with your whole heart. (Jer 29:11-13)

Actually, I know that verse very, very well, but it still has a centering and rock like quality of the soundness of God's plan, whether I see it or not.  It makes me remember that I am not responsible for the plan, but for the faith.

So I asked God, what and when?

But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. (Matt 24:36)

Yes, that is about the second coming, the final redemption of the whole world.  But, if God won't share that timeline with me, it is not so surprising that He is not giving me the minute by minute outline of today.  Not so scary, if you believe, and believe deeply that God has this in hand.

For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)

Then, though I don't know the wheres or whens, I do know the plan is good.  I know that God has me in hand, that He has plans for good, not for evil.  What do I do?  Two things came to me as I searched through my guidebook.

Who is wise and understanding among you?  Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. (James 3:13)

Go be the Christian man you want to be, demonstrate your faith, do not worry about the outcome, God's plan is clear.  Live for Him, love for Him, work for Him.

So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me.  If he has done anything, charge it to me.  I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand.  I will pay it back-not to mention that you owe me your very self.  I do wish, brother, that I may have some benefit from you in the Lord; refresh my heart in Christ. (Phil 17-20)

Even though I may feel like I have been wronged, I am not to keep that sense.  It defeats my goals and blocks my clear feeling of being with Christ.  Even if they owe me consideration for what I have done, or not done, stop keeping the account.  That belongs to God.  Live with my books balanced and a blessing to give, instead of a curse to stew on.

Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters.  (Hebrews 13:1)

Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account.  Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.  (Hebrews 13:17)

Stop!  Stop being angry, disturbed, beset, trespassed against.  Ask for forgiveness for your trespasses, and adhere to the Word.  Give good for bad, love for good and praise for all.  Because, finally:

Rejoice evermore.  Pray without ceasing.  In everything give thanks. (1 Thes 5:16-18)

Hope this touches something in you, and makes you feel ready to conquer your challenges.  Because in Christ, we can do all things.  HE STRENGTHENS US!  We don't have to find the strength, we have to find the faith, and acknowledge our LORD!  I, me, myself, do not have burdens that I carried so long last night in turmoil.  The needs are known, and already granted me in faith.

I just have to go do what I ought, because of who I belong to; and give thanks, praise and worship.  Instead of dragging myself to the situation, I will rejoice through it, because I know.  I know who I am, and whose name is written on my heart.  There is nothing that will change that ever, and this is temporary and not worthy of my anxiety.

Hope there is a blessing here for you, it has humbled my soul and heart as I have written it.

GLYASDI

Everest

I saw on the news yesterday that two people have died on Mt. Everest.  Both seem to have passed after reaching the summit and descending.  Of course, I would not summit Everest on my own choosing.  Mountaintops have no hold on me.

It is not the doing of the deed, but the need of the deed, that makes priorities in life.  I don't understand what makes it a priority to learn the skills, spend the extraordinary money required, and take the time to go to a place that is close enough to outer space to be deadly.  But, I don't have to.  I have my own Everest's.  I have my own need for certain deeds.

The fact that they died is what makes it newsworthy, I suppose.  It would seem a better story to talk about the number that made it.  While the caution of the spectacular nature of some failures is instructive, life lived within the bonds of fear, is not life.  Unwilling souls, set for timidity, never rise beyond themselves.  In fact, they most often fail to find even their own self, and that is truly a pitiable life.

Everyone has their own Everest.  In fact, our life is a series of Everest's, each just larger than the last.  And they all have the same rules as the actual Everest.  There is only one summit, whatever route you take to get to it.  There are seasons to reach the goal.  You will not make it outside of the favorable season, regardless of route.  There are necessities to have to get to the summit.  Without them, regardless of effort, it won't happen.

But, the news story this morning had a different meaning.  This is all analogy and metaphor.  That is what Everest is, really.  As a destination, it is inhospitable, devoid of life, and unsustainable.  There is nothing there, to be found, that makes the journey worthwhile.  What makes the journey worthwhile is inside of us.

You don't have to go to Everest, to climb your tallest mountain.  And, while I wish them peace, and have no disrespect for the departed, no one wants to believe they didn't make it.  Getting somewhere, without returning, is an incomplete journey, by most of the metrics of our everyday world.  We struggle, or at least contend with things, and only count it as complete when done.  Everest is complete when you are back at base camp.  A moon landing is only successful when the astronauts return to Earth, right?

I certainly have that mindset.  It would not be a successful trip, if I did not return home.  That is my limitation.  Through that vantage, those two poor souls are lost forever in between.  It struck me when I saw the story, do they know they didn't make it home?  Does it matter to them?

That last question was the important one.  I have plenty of mountains to climb.  We all do.  Every Monday represents base camp looking up to the top, in its own way.  The need for the deed is what makes us all different.  I ask myself, could I die happy, halfway down from the mountain top?

Then, the idiocy of that question strikes me.  If I am truly a man of faith, then of course, I should die happy at whatever point in the journey I go.  The goal is God, not a long life.  If I was inches from the summit, it is still preferable to be in the presence of God.  That journey, that mountain, is what I want to reach, my summit.

So, then, what of our metaphor?  What of the mystery and allure of the mountain, or the headwaters of a tropical river, or the Cibola that enchants us?  If there is not a final state here on earth, why make the effort?  That trips up so many people that do not profess a faith.  If the "afterlife" is so much better, why work here?  What is the point, when it is nothing compared to later?  Why would any being that loves us, let us toil here instead of just being there, in perfection with him?

This is a relatively easy question for me to answer, but not for most.  I am under no illusions as to anything close to fairness or equity in the world we inhabit.  Nor are we promised anything but trials and persecution here.  I don't expect a fair deal, and I have never received one from the world at large.  And, that, in and of itself, is enough to motivate me.  Perhaps not everyone, but I find, when challenged, that I am ready and able to respond.

The struggle today, whatever gains or losses I make, is enough for me.  If I don't win, I am going to at least fight with every bit of strength and determination inside of me.  I will never simply submit to that which I can change.  The flame burns even brighter, the deeper the ditch gets.  I understand that not everyone is like that.

But, if you have your own personal Everest in front of you, you really have a decision to make.  You get to decide the attempt itself is enough, or that getting to the peak is enough, or making it back to base camp is all that will satisfy you.  That internal decision is only known to you.  Of course you can share it, but only you know the truth to the lie.  "I'll be fine if I just get to try!"  Maybe.  I can't say for you.

None of those decisions are wrong, either.  All that is right, is that you are true to your own core.  But, I think there are some instructions for each of us.  I think you have to at least make the decision and know what your prize is.  If you do not decide, you are tepid, devoid of direction internally.  If you have no goal, you have no barometer, how can you be happy or sad?  If you leave the rudder off the ship, you can hardly complain as to the destination.

Phillipians 3:14 says "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  There is a prize.  There is a goal.  There is a decision.  Even more daunting than Everest, which is actually doable, it is outside of our own efforts to achieve.  We need the grace of the Lord, which we have to accept.  If we do not accept that goal, we are tepid, lukewarm.  And because we are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, we will be spit out.

There are several Everest's in front of me this morning.  And, while I will never be able to be cold, dispassionately focused with Vulcan-like clarity, I am also never able to be lukewarm.  I am burning to get to the goal I have set.  I understand that this is but a vapor in the wind, but I surely want it to be a pleasing vapor.  It would suck if my speck of physical eternity was just a foul odor at the end.  You get to decide.

We are about to embark on large tasks, great new vistas, brand new mountains.  We have targets, goals.  But, the journey is going to be enough.  Not that I won't fight with everything in me to get to the end in mind, but giving it the effort Jesus expects is enough for me.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

"It is hard to fail, but it is worse to have never tried to succeed."

I come back to those two pieces of advice that Theodore Roosevelt left to posterity.  It has always resonated with me.  I do not want to ever be a cold or timid soul.  I err, I come up short, again and again.  It is hard to fail, but to know great enthusiasm and great devotion, you have to risk, at the worst, failing while daring greatly.

I want to dare greatly.  Of course, there is fear and trepidation, but it does not overcome wanting to go forward.  That can be true for each of us.  And, no one knows your individual Everest in front of you.  It could be as simple as getting out of bed and getting dressed for the day.  I know the burden of life can leave you in that ditch.  But, we can do all things through Christ Jesus, who strengthens us.

As for me, I am fine, passing on, at whatever point I get to on the mountain.  Understand, if it happens after what you think is the peak, I am only climbing back down that mountain so I can get to the next one that is taller.  Everest has no allure to me, but, I do have a mountain to summit that I have not yet conquered.  We all do.  Don't wait.  Don't be lukewarm.  Even if there is a chance for it all to go wrong, even if it mean risking everything, if it is the right thing, there is no other good choice but to climb.  I will not be a cold and timid soul, not this morning, or any morning.

Everest means not being lukewarm.  That is a worthy goal.  What is your Everest today?  I am praying that we reach the summit of our mountains, and I hope you pray the same.

GLYASDI

6 Rules for 5 Who's

The title of this post is intended to be about getting to where Christ meets us.  If you are a Christian, a believer, then my fervent hope is that someone has given you the news that Christ will meet you where you are.  Yes, right there in the mud and muck of the life mess you are making.

Even if Christ has met you hundreds of times already, He will still crawl back down into the filth of your life and take hold of you.  No amount of lying, adultery, stealing, cheating, abusing, killing, raping, no amount of anything is able to overcome the love of Christ, or His desire to meet you where you are.

See, I am not a perfect person.  Not by any stretch or measurement am I near that lofty goal.  Nor am I pursuing that particular metric in any kind of systematic way.  I don't like working to things that are impossible.  What I am trying to do is follow some simple rules for my life that will help me better model Jesus to others.  He is my goal, and the more like Him I can be, the more I see a better world and blessings to others.

I kind of didn't want to share my 6 rules, because they are, of necessity, different for all of us.  But, as an example, I will list mine.  If you know me well, you will see that these are tailored for me.  Some of these things will not be relevant for others.  Some will need only 2 or 3 rules.  Some might need 10.  They don't cover all situations, nor do they make me automatically a better person.

If you don't like rules, use guide points, targets, boundaries, aspirations, whatever.  For me, if it isn't a rule, I probably am not going to pay attention.

1.  You are ALWAYS on display!
2.  If Jesus wouldn't say it, don't you dare!
3.  Be a Tax Collector, not a Pharisee!
4.  Persuasion is inversely proportional to Anger!
5.  If you cannot help, ENCOURAGE!
6.  Stop - Think - Act - Pray!

As you can probably tell, I struggle with temper, or perhaps, more accurately passion.  Like most everyone in the world, I do not consider the fact that others do not come from the same background, experience and teaching that I do.  It is never that they don't consider things important that have fired me up, they just have not had the background that I have.  Nor do many people in the world have the ability to amp up to the level I can achieve.

When I don't remember that, and I utilize my angry words and my passion indiscriminately, it hurts people and upsets people and it is counter productive.  I never end up with the desired outcome, nor the result that is most beneficial.  At 48, looking hard at 49, it is starting to sink in to me.  You are never too old, too ingrained, or too cranky to change, if you want to.

So, I like to consider myself a work in progress.  I have had these rules for a very long time, and they did not exhibit any kind of real and sustained change, after a while.  I made a huge change in my outward manifestation when I left the Navy.  I quickly discovered that the people not indoctrinated into military life were entirely incapable of surviving military treatment.

Don't take that wrong, people should not be treated the way they are in the military.  But, it was the construct I operated within, and I was exceptionally talented at it.  I was amped up from morning muster until 0200 when I would sneak down to the plant and surprise them doing daily work and wear 'em out some more.  It translated to really effective programs and Divisions.  It translated to exceptional casualty control performance.  But, it is a different culture and a different environment.

To survive, I had to adapt and take on some new behaviors.  I had not had any other adult experience other than the military, except in church.  So, I asked myself how would Peter or Paul, two flawed and fiery men, handle life where I was.  That is where the 6 Rules started.  I kind of think that something similar worked for Peter and Paul as they dealt with the infant church, and the huge pressure of false doctrine and cultural influences.  Not too different from what I was doing.  So far, I have managed to keep my job, make some pretty substantial improvements in our performance, and return the value of my salary back to the company.  It has also helped my relationships outside work, especially with my children.

There is literally nothing I have ever encountered that did not improve when consider and approached through the prism of faith and the teachings of Jesus.  Even for those that do not believe in Christ, to pattern a life and system of behaviors after His teaching is beneficial.  Being better to each other is always a recipe for success, and a deterrent to stress and frustration.

But, as with most things human, there was a plateau of performance.  Personally, I felt kind of stagnant, and that I was losing ground on what little gains I had made.  Honestly, I don't like finding myself going backward, or not hitting targets.  I am competitive by nature, and I absolutely detest not hitting my own targets.  When things started to decline and crumble a bit, I spent a lot of time thinking and praying on it.

I am a LEAN practitioner at work.  That is taking the principles of manufacturing most notable in Toyota's success, and applying them to our work place.  One of the first questions after what is wrong, is how do you know?  If you can't measure it, you can't quantify it.  If you can't quantify it, you can't see improvement.  If you can't see improvement, it is just a wishy washy slurry of good intentions and never followed through wishes.

That is the where the 5 Who's came from.  I don't know if these exist in this format in some book I read years ago.  These kind of simple things all blend together in the rear view mirror of stuff I have read.  Honestly, I cannot recall seeing them this way, and I have an eerily good recall mechanism.  All that being said to apologize if someone else has already expressed this, in this way.

1.  Who have you ENCOURAGED today?
2.  Who have you BLESSED today?
3.  Who has BLESSED you today?
4.  Who did you demonstrate Christ to today?
5.  Who demonstrated Christ to you today?

There are lots of ways to measure lots of things.  There are lots of situations that overcome your internal ability to process and to handle.  There are pitfalls in every path, and stumbles on every journey.  We are nothing but error producing machines, incapable of being perfected from any internal adjustment or desire.  Like a car engine, to perfect performance, a master technician has to lay hands on it, and do the things only they can do, externally, to make it right and true.

That is why God sent us Jesus.  Not only because Jesus was perfect, and we needed the example.  We already had a comprehensive law that detailed how to be holy before God.  Jesus came so that someone could literally put their masterful hands on us and perfect our performance and maintain it.  We call Him alternately, Master, Teacher, Rabbi, Emmanuel, Messiah.  We don't call him Mechanic, Technician, Engineer, Maintenance Man, but we could, and maybe we should.

The hope is that Christ will lay hands on us, literally.  Adjust us, fine tune us, sustain and maintain us, through the power of the Holy Spirit in us.  There is all this mystery and stuff attached to it, but it seems pretty straight forward to me.  Inside this physical and emotional shell is a soul meant for perfection.  The only way that happens is for the Holy Spirit to be there alongside, keeping that imperfect shell from binding and preventing growth of our soul.  The only way the Holy Spirit gets there, is when Jesus takes us in hand.

What prompted all this today?  Well, there are big things moving in our family's life.  And there are big issues in my own professional environment.  Things that make me feel ignored, undervalued, discounted and overlooked.  It is not reality, it is perception.  Reality is all about Christ, the Bible is pretty clear about that; the Way, the Truth, the Light...  Satan is all about perception; Master of Lies, Deceiver, Tempter...  I have had to dig down and remember that I am trying to live the Way, I am trying to tell the Truth, and I am working in the Light.  I have to give up on perception, and focus on truth.  Whatever happens.

I share this because I think there are many in that position for varying reasons and in varying forms.  Nothing is ever perfect except God's love.  If you can discipline yourself to focus on portraying God to others, and you can work to know you are a blessing and be thankful for those who bless you, you get deeper into the perfection of God's love.  If you don't work to make your mind focus these ways, you stay wrapped up in the lies and deceit that are Satan's tools and tricks.  He goes around like a roaring lion in my life, because he is who stirs up the temper and anger and dissatisfaction I feel.  Those don't come from God.

God is happiest when we know we are at our weakest, and happy that His grace is made perfect there.  He could care less about your title, your bank account, your car or your prospects in the world.  Even the lillies of the field, sparrows...you get the picture.

Take on some Jesus when it feels most annoying and aggravating.  Figure out what things are your Rules, and what your Who's look like.  It won't fix it immediately.  It won't make it better all by itself.  And it will not absolve you of guilt and all that.  But, it will change your mindset and maybe your focus.  When that happens, Jesus is in the middle of a serious tuneup.  Hang on for the ride, it is one beautiful road to roar down at top speed.

GLYASDI

The mood hasn't struck me, but it is time to Get 'Er Done

Entirely and completely, that is usually how I go about endeavors.  It is in my DNA.  I don't take things lightly, I don't have hobbies, I don't have interests.  I have a very bad case of laser disease.  I get focused like a laser on whatever catches my attention.

I tend to completely immerse myself in whatever actually catches my full attention, until I reach a completion point.  That point often has little to do with any kind of objective completion metric.  I, for exampe, typically never finished a model as a kid.  I would finish the engine, or the body, and that would be that.  It was what I was interested in for that particular model, and then it had little interest or meaning for me.

It is not exactly a mental condition.  I even looked it up on WebMD and Wikki, to make it official.  It is not OCD, or obsessive disorder, as defined in Wikki.  And it was not thyroid cancer, as WebMD suggested.  (Ever notice that WebMD seems to always end up in cancer of some kind or lupus?  It is like a bad episode of House, I hate that web site.)

There is a condition known as hyperfocus.  A variant of ADHD, it allows someone to become and stay ultra fixated on an urgent task for long periods of time, in ignorance of other stimuli.  That is me.  My issue is not with that focus part, it is with what my crazy brain decides is an urgent task.

This week's urgent tasks have consisted of vacuuming the pool, water sealing the picnic table, a particular situation at work, and cutting the grass.

None of those are bad things, or things that do not have some importance to accomplish.  What they are not, are in the category of things that will irrevocably change my life.  Maybe the work one, but not particularly.  Anyway, it is less that I must knock on the door 3 times saying Penny, nor that I have to check the light switch 5 times.  It is that I have significant difficulty making my brain lay the subject down and focus on the other things happening in my life.

I have thought on this, and expect that many people have some amount of this tendency.  I probably take it to the extremes.  But, I proved to myself again, last night, as I sealed the picnic table, that once I get myself on the task of my focus, my brain starts to really work out things that are on my mind.

It is almost as if I had to physically preoccupy my mind with that task, to let the other connections and issues come together in my brain.  I don't claim to solve the problems of the world while cutting the grass, or vacuuming the pool, but I do settle and organize tons of things in my mind, as I kind of beebop through whatever I feel obligated to get done.

It has been that way, for as long as I can remember.  In this way, I was much like my father.  He had a saying for it, that infuriated my Mama to some extent.  "I aint in the mood to do that."  "I got to get in the mood to do it."  "The mood hasn't struck me, yet."  I cannot count the number of times that her requests were met with those statements.  You could get furious at him, and that was alright.  He still wasn't going to do it until the "mood" hit him.  And that could take years, or days.  It was incomprehensible.  There was no rhyme or reason.

Perversely, I hated that whole dynamic.  It kind of hurt my Mama, and it kind of made my Daddy out to be the "bad guy".  Neither of them saw it that way, or termed it that way, but I was too young to really process it in any other context.  Regardless of that, I am still who I am, and that is the junior member of the Joseph Walter Hill firm.

I will have something hit me, and I really am not satisfied, nor do I get much else accomplished, regardless of my efforts, until I take care of that.  Likewise, if I am not interested, it is an unholy challenge to maintain focus and do the task to the level required.  It does not matter that one is more important, or urgent, or beneficial, or noticeable than the other.  I really don't know why my brain picks the stuff that it does.  But it does, and it don't let go.

What brought that on, is the almost daily despair I experience about 6:00 am.  I realize that I have been awake, tapping at a keyboard, or reading news articles for 2 or 3 hours, and have nothing to show for it, but perhaps a post to a blog.  It is a strange feeling.  I have many other things I could have done in that time.   And I know it.  Some of them are important, urgent even.  Yet, my brain picks this, and I will not be allowed to effectively do anything but this.

My father was wracked with anxiety.  It was such a huge burden for him, especially after he got older and Mama passed.  There was no rudder there anymore.  However little Mama appeared to steer his ship, it was enough that he could keep the competing demands in check.  He could organize his world according to his mood, and still tell the direction and speed of completion.

When that went away, and he was left alone with three adults, himself among them, requiring things to be done, without any kind of consideration of his mood, it ate at him.  He got through it.  But, it was a heavy, heavy burden.  It was a burden of love, he would not have done it without the motivation of how much he loved his mother and brother.  Still, though he did the best he could and never tried to escape from the responsibility, it disrupted his peace and his soul.

It would manifest in weird ways.  Because he was at home so much, he would suddenly take a fit, and paint everything that would accept paint the same color.  The color would be something that caught his eye, not really any kind of connection to the things painted.  He would spend hours and hours working on motorcycles and 4 wheelers, there were always at least 3 or 4 ready, even when there was no one to ride them.  He would become a chicken rancher, and continue to bring home chickens until the population value exceeded the number predators could carry off.  Then they would run wild.

He was my hero, and such a good, good man.  I don't look at my condition and curse him, because I see it clearly from him.  It is what made me excel at learning and at the career field I chose.  Because I got something else that my father was not gifted with.  I got the ability to focus.  I can completely tune out the whole world to the exclusion of what I am doing.  You have to physically interact with me (punch me) to get my attention.  That came from my Mama.  She had that complete immersion quality in abundance, she just failed to have any real kind of internal prioritization.  She just focused on whatever was at hand, a book, a movie, dreamcatchers...

I got two powerful gifts that contain baggage.  I have reached a stage in my life, where my work process does not include tearing down and rebuilding things.  I have learned to channel that compulsion to problem solving, pattern finding.  I have also gained some coping mechanisms that let me avoid giving into that complete focus when it is inappropriate.

If I can occupy my hands, and the worry center in my brain, with whatever thing is dying to get completed, I actually start to think broadly, and make connections and understanding of the big issues in my life.  Like every life, mine has issues, things that need to be thought through.  It is one of the quirks I have, in that the best way for me to make a decision is to go do some kind of monotonous and manual task that is weighing on me.  Once I start that, my mind simmers down and starts to work through things.

What brings this to the surface.  I think I have told Katrina I am not in the mood to do whatever task she asked me about.  It is not a habit I want to get into.  It has nothing to do with mood.  I love her enough to make it work.  Now, my things, like hanging up pictures, weed eating, yeah, the mood hasn't struck me.  Yet.

Beware your compulsions and your habits.  Control yourself, but also maximize your effectiveness.  Sometimes, something needs painted yellow, so you can work out what the timeline and needs to actually retire are.  It is just that everything doesn't need to get painted yellow, all at the same time.

The hardest part, regardless of how limited or overdeveloped your sense of focus is, is to finish.  You have to finish what you start.  Leaving things half done just loads up the burdens you feel and that nagging message of failure because you did not accomplish it.  It doesn't help, it hurts.

So, yes, I will get the pictures and stuff hung up, and the house weed whacked.  Not just because it is important to everyone, but because it clogs up my brain processing.

Put your eyes to the LORD and work to His glory.  Sometimes, even though you aren't in the mood, He is telling you to get something off your plate, because it is in the way of what else He has in store for you.  If you suffer with anything similar to what I do, it is not a curse, it is a blessing.  But, it comes with its issues.  Only way to win, I have found, is to pay attention to what the LORD is telling you.  If you do that, it will all work out and you will continue to prosper.

Now, where did I hide the hammer so I did not have to hang up the pictures?

GLYASDI

Under Authority

Here is the scariest part of the Bible to me at the moment. (NIV)

Hebrews 13:1-7 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established.  The authorities that exist have been established by God.  Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgement on themselves.  For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong.  Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority?  Then do what is right, and you will be commended.  For the one in authority is God's servant for your good.  But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason.  They are God's servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.  Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.

This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing.  Give to everyone what you owe them:  If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.


So that everyone is clear, this was written in the First Century, by someone that in all likelihood was martyred for the faith.  None of the likely authors of this book lived to a comfortable old age, or lived outside the persecutions and dangers of being a member of the church described in the Book of Acts.  These people lived daily with the impending doom that the authorities were likely to come, imprison and then kill them.  And not with some "humane" sort of capital punishment, but in horrific and violent ways.

The next part of Hebrews is an expounding on part of the great commandment, love your neighbor as yourself.  Then it says:

And do this, understanding the present time.  The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.  The night is nearly over; the day is almost here.

So, these Acts 2 leaders and church founders were not unaware of the political and very real personal danger their faith put them in.  Yet, they wrote to respect those in authority, for their authority is ordained by God.  All things under heaven work to the will and good of the plans of God.

We usually talk about this and work through this when someone is sick or dying.  God has a plan, He will work all things to our good, there is hope in the Lord.  Well, it applies to our day to day lives as well.  When we are not faced with poor health and bleak options, God is still in authority.  There is nothing done that is not under the authority and allowance of the Lord.

While I feel very strongly that this is the worst Presidential candidate field that I have seen in my lifetime; and I feel strongly that this is the worst collection of Congressmen (and women) that has ever been assembled in the history of the nation; and I feel strongly that this is a inconsequential and incompetent Governor and legislature in North Carolina; one fact remains.  God is in control.  God has His hand on the tiller.  God did not put them in place for our suffering.  God did not ordain this time of persecution, but rather ordained this authority to the furtherance of His plan.

That scares me, because the uber-concentrated focus side of my analytic brain tells me the data points are all moving in a very unfavorable direction.  The quality and character of all the remaining candidates for President, for Congress, for Governor, for insert office here; is just about pegged on the crap meter.  There is nowhere to turn to find a spot that looks to me as if there is advantage coming to us, in this that God has ordained.

But, maybe that is what God wants for us.  Wake up from your slumber.  I never promised you a rose garden, there has to be a little rain sometime.  There is a time and a season for everything under the sun.  God is in control.  Why He wants these people at this time, is kind of beyond me to understand.  I wouldn't want them at any time for anything.  I think they have proven that.

The part of my brain that makes me a sinner and weakens my faith is in a near panic over the prospect of this election season.  But, there was a purpose to God's "madness" in the 1920's and 1930's in America.  Because of the Depression, there was an election of someone that would set the economy right, by employing large numbers of people at government projects and in direct concert and connection.  It removed the last vestige of the prevailing agrarian state, and gave us a populace, both men and women that were prepared for assembly line work, and the technologic step change that would be required for WWII.  These folks, that we now call the Greatest Generation, were prepared in the crucible.  The government was expanded and developed an understanding for how to organize and execute national initiatives.  Banks and economic concerns were decimated, and the federal government filled the economic authority vacuum, so that when entire industries were nationalized for the war effort, there was no decrease in function or efficiency.

There was a method and a plan to the horror that was the Great Depression in my opinion.  Without it, and those God placed in authority because of that event, there is very little likelihood that we could have forestalled the Axis powers, without fighting them on our soil, if then.  Germany was an economic and industrial juggernaut.  They, and the Japanese, were the technological leaders of the world in 1939.  Their equipment was better, their science was better, and their industry was better.  If we had not been prepared to nationalize over 70% of the economy, mostly overnight, and transition to full war time production in months not years, we would have been fighting delaying actions on both sides of the Missisippi, concentrated around protecting the oil in Texas and Louisiana that was vital to the war effort.

Instead, we were prepared, we turned on the machine that was the Greatest Generation.  We took on the world, with some help from our friends, and created a breathing space for democracy to take hold.  The war removed the last vestiges of feudal life in Europe.  There was a tremendous step change for the better in the lives of almost every human on the face of the planet.  Disease treatment, medical practices, industrial technology, manufacturing capacity, everything everywhere, benefited from what we learned in the war.

And, yes, we used that gift and dedication to develop the doomsday tools.  We are now armed with power previously only imagined in the hands of God.  We were able to win, but we have several times nearly snatched the complete defeat from the fruits of victory.

So, summary, there is much to be afraid of going on in this nation today.  But, at the end of that day, God puts these people where they are.  It ALL works to His plan and His design.  Maybe, just maybe, folks like me need to spend less time crying about the bad, and praying to the God of good.

For in Jeremiah, God says:

Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat when they produce.  Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters.  Increase in number there; do not decrease...
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your whole heart.

Maybe, folks like me should spend more time seeking and praying, and less time bemoaning and bellyaching.  We don't have it bad, nor are we in imminent danger.  Those who declare there is a war on Christianity, don't understand God.  The God that shepherded His church through the First Century, and insured that it grew in all parts of the world, that God is not afraid of any war we can declare.  We shouldn't be either.  We should be more focused on our duty as Christians.  That is the hard part, putting on our own armor of light, and standing in the fray.

So, maybe Trump and Clinton are not the doomsday scenario.  They are certainly not up to snuff.  But the God that molded His church and people and brought them through Caligula and Nero, that God is more than capable of handling these two.

Under authority.  We all are, and it is tough.  But, really, we are under authority of God, not things of this world, and that is what we should be praying for anyway.  Perhaps we should just live it for a while.

GLYASDI

To Mama

She was a tiny, tiny woman.  She appeared frail and fragile.  She did not seek nor take the spotlight often.  She was funny, even when she was serious.  She was smart, sassy, discerning and wise.  She was iron willed and stubborn.  She had a temper like a hurricane, and was most dangerous when she got quiet and angry, like the eye of a storm.  She was the first woman I ever loved, and the only woman I will love every day of my life.

She carried me, then toted me.  She cared for me and loved me, even when I did not deserve it or appreciate it.  She involved herself in anything I was interested in.  She gave me her love for books and for reading.  She made me a learner, curious and interested.  She taught me to cook the three things she knew how to cook well, and still, I can't make them like she did.

She was funny, so very funny.  She was sharp, razor sharp.  She was always paying attention, even when you did not notice.  She believed that children do best outside, and she wasn't afraid to lock you out to prove it.  She did her best at cleaning, but it did not necessarily interest her at all.

She loved her children, but her husband was her world.  She taught us what a loving relationship looked like, along with the man that loved her more than the world.  She never quite got bills and money straight, but somehow, we always had what we needed for sports and school.  We never knew we were poor, we just knew we were loved.

She reigned in conjunction with another queen.  They ruled separate empires that were joined together.  I never once recall them quarreling or arguing.  I never once remember them hugging.  But there was real, palpable love between them.  And they taught us together that while you may be at the pinnacle in your world, where it overlaps, you act accordingly.

She did not approve of a single girlfriend I ever had.  She never said so, but she did not, and you could tell and they could tell.  I, of course, was oblivious.  I was oblivious a lot, and yet she never stopped teaching and instructing me.  She understood the tactics of love, and the tactics of her most hotheaded and stubborn subject, me.  She was unafraid of my anger, and it was powerless against her.  She accepted none of it, and curtailed it at will, even when I could not.

She was everything to me for my happiest and most carefree years.  She is in my earliest memories.  I can still feel her arms around me, smell the Skin So Soft and perfume she wore, and see her sitting, knees drawn up, chin settled on them while she listened to me.  I can see the tears in her eyes when we were hurt.  I can remember the panic she felt when I was hurt and needed the ER.  I can feel the concern and worry still over every stitch and X-ray and fever.

She kept us in check, no one could have kept us in line.  She imparted a clear faith to us.  While it was never completely in keeping with the Catholic faith she adopted, it was ever present.  She very deeply believed in God and felt His presence all around her.  She was an earth child, and a believer.  She somehow combined them peacefully and without contradiction within her.  She saw to our education in faith and was more adamant that we attend CCD than regular school.  She never once missed church with us, that I remember, when we were not all ill.  She was a different woman in that pew at Sacred Heart.  Iron willed, she would fix that stare like a laser and beat the stillness into us when required.

She told the best stories.  It was a natural talent that we always stopped and paid attention to.  Her Aunt Ruby's house became our Stephen King as children.  It was a menacing and dark place in her stories that chilled us to the bone.  Yet, she freely took us there with her to visit, whenever we were in Florida.  I was mostly terrified to be in the house, but went looking for the blood spot at the bottom of the stairs and kept an eye on the kitchen, to see when the cabinets would get emptied out.

She was a water creature, most at home in the water.  Yet, she absolutely detested going out in boats.  I can never remember her on the boat with us, ever.  Or "swimming" in the river with us.  But, she required a pool be built, and it was.  Then Hurricane David destroyed it and an above ground appeared.   She swam like an alligator with just her nose and eyes visible, with almost no trail.  She loved the water, and all of our vacations involved some clear spring or fresh river to swim in.  I never understood the difference between our salty and marshy rivers and the clear spring fed rivers she loved, until much later.

She loved all her family.  She was isolated from her sisters, brothers and mother, but somehow kept in touch and in the know.  We went faithfully every year to see her family in Florida.  It was a mystical place in our childhood, full of life and mysterious plants, soil and water.  It was also full of cousins, that we only saw then.  Strangely like us, and yet very different, there were close bonds, if not often renewed.  She fostered that, and made us understand the value and need of family.  She taught us that family did not mean daily exposure, it meant love and connection.

She was the queen of our small world.  She was refuge and relief.  She was beauty and love.  She was all things and all answers.  She was Mama.

I loved her then, and I love her still.  In June, it will be 19 years since she passed.  Not a day has passed since that I have not thought of her, have not missed her singular presence.  It is an ache that does not fill up.  There are so many wishes.  I wish she had known my children longer.  I wish she had seen and held all her grandchildren.  I wish she had seen me make Chief.  I wish she had known the man I have become.

But, inside me, I believe she has.  I don't know if folks in heaven look down on us.  I don't know if they ever take their attention away from worshipping and praising God, and the glory of His presence.  I am not selfish enough to demand that she does.  But, I think that heaven works in ways we do not fully understand.

I don't think the bonds of love and care we forge here on Earth are broken in heaven, or God would not have made them so strong and so lasting.  I think they are part of what makes heaven wondrous and wonderful.  I think that all those in heaven are still watching us, applauding, or praying, as needed.  I think that there is never a moment we are not all in her gaze, that she is not watching over us and loving us.

I pray it is so.  And, I pray that we will see each other again in heaven.  That I make it, because I know her soul found rest there.  I know that, because she knew it.  She was at peace with her fate, and had been for some time.  She was unafraid of her end, though she knew it was imminent for years.  She worried over us, and Daddy.  I think she knew that it would break something deep in Daddy that would never heal, when she passed, but she could not stop it.  She worried about that and it was always in her mind, and her conversations with me, after the doctors settled her doom.  Daddy never again was the man we knew, and never stopped loving and missing her after she passed.

She was everything to him.  His entire definition of life and happiness had her at the center.  Since he passed in December, I have to think that he is finally happy again, 18 long years later.  I could only be so sad, because they were back together.  And, if ever two people deserved their happy ever after, it was them.  She was his rock and his center.  As she was to all of us.  And he was her soulmate.

She was wonderful, beautiful and loving.  I cannot imagine there was ever a better mother, because there is not anything I would change.  And I have never, not one day in my life, not been completely in love with her.

I miss you Mama.  I hope that there is peace in heaven, with Daddy and Wanda and Jeffrey by your side, with Jan and Judy, Robert and Leon, and Joann.  And I hope you all get to hold your Mama's hand, and she knows you all.  Because, isn't that all of our wish, at the very core, just to be still, be happy, and be holding Mama's hand?

I love you Mama.  Wish I could get a hug.  When we see each other again, boy, do I have some stories to tell you, and boy did you miss some good books.  Happy Mother's Day Joyce.  I hope heaven is Mother's Day every day, because you deserve it.  It is in my heart.

Love,
Joey

GLYASDI