Like most people afflicted with any level of compulsive disorder, I have also an obsessive problem. I am like a laser. If properly focused, I turn out a tremendous amount of energy and useful output. If the lenses get off, and my focus is not sharp, I am just a round fluorescent bulb that shines as much light up into my fixture as I do down into the room.
My lenses consist of my discipline. Routine is very important to me. While I do not have to operate the same way every day, and can actually adapt and overcome, improvise and succeed, I do prefer to strategize and conquer. Planning is my Archimedes fulcrum. With enough planning, regardless of the size of the lever, I can position the fulcrum and move the world. It is not the size of the lever, but the position of the fulcrum.
Old school physics analogies aside, discipline is my friend. We are well acquainted, and long companions. When allowed to operate within my schedule and system, I am remarkable capable and successful. Mess that schedule and system all up, and I quickly get frustrated and my productivity suffers tremendously.
So, to combat that, I try to keep my priorities straight. If you accomplish the most important things at a reasonable rate, things will be okay. One of my great lessons is that I cannot accomplish everything everyday. That is an unrealistic expectation. I have learned to be satisfied with the most important things each day. I have struggled with identifying the most important by what I got done at the end of the day, instead of what I prioritized at the beginning of the day.
Discipline is creating a scheme and sticking to it. Discipline is hard because the world around us is chaotic. It takes dedication and self reliance to maintain your discipline in the maelstrom. And, the world is a constant. There really is no break in the maelstrom. You have to learn to tune it out completely, long enough to prioritize, then you have to focus and navigate through it. You also have to be self aware enough to change your priorities appropriately.
If you start bleeding, caring for the wound becomes an immediate priority. But, while waiting at the ER for sutures, it is not necessarily a bad thing to review a proposal or contract, and compose an email or 40. You are going to have time. That is navigating, and bowing to reality.
My life is about my faith first. That is my first rung on the discipline ladder. All the rest can stop, but the faith journey moves forward. At least that is what I claim to myself. Quite honestly, read the paragraph above, it usually ends up being the thing I hope I find time for. I have come to the routine of doing my prayer and study and reflection in the morning. It is after that reflection that these rambling musings are composed. That should give you some indication of what kind of battle God is waging for my soul.
I lost all discipline the last few days. I carried my prayer book with me. But, as usually happens, unfortunately, I honestly never opened it and entered anything into it, in the entire 3 days we were in ICU with my Dad. I never opened it and entered anything into it on Christmas Day, when I lost my sister, and missed seeing two of my daughters.
I should say, the last few days are remarkably typical. I, usually, fail to utilize the most important tool at my disposal. I forget that the Lord is beyond the principles of good ole Archimedes. I worry about my stuff, my organized view of the chaos, and my foolish attempt to make sanity of it. Instead, I should be seeking refuge in the Lord, and relying on Him. That was the point of my prayer book, after all.
I was disciplining myself to record what I asked God for, and when the prayer was answered. The hope was that I would see what things I was asking for, and how God answered them. The goal was to learn more about what I should be asking for, and what God is shaping in my life. Those are all worthy things, and still the point of the prayer book.
Unfortunately, there are weeks absent for entry. I get consumed with what I am doing, and distracted. I do tend to review it every day, and make sure that I keep praying for the things I have entered. But, I get busy, and "don't have time," to update it with new requests. Just "finding" time to pray for that little bit of stuff is sometimes beyond me.
I quickly forget 1 Thess 5:16-18, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
I was not rejoicing when my father died, nor my sister. I guess you could almost forgive me that lapse, given the circumstances, though God would not. I, unfortunately, did not pray continually either. I certainly did not give thanks. I was fighting God's will for me, and did not feel at all as if I was in Christ Jesus.
I have not disciplined myself to that. The Lord knows that I have tried. But, to quote myself to lots of others in lots of situations, "Trying don't get her done. Doing gets it done."
Big words from a little man. But the sentiment is true. We should be taught that the doing of the verses above are the main thing, first. The discipline of doing these things then flows into the ability to add additional disciplines and get ever closer to Christ. When I figure out how, I will post it on every electronic forum and written method available.
I suppose that we are left with nothing else, at the end of the day. Trying doesn't get it done. Doing gets it done. Until we are humble enough to give up what we want, and be thankful for what we are given, this is a big old, chaotic, evil, scary and hurtful life. That is the key, we are ALWAYS and constantly in God's will. Whatever this, this is, is God's will. Rejoice, pray, give thanks.
That does not mean be happy, then pray, then be thankful. Rejoice is misquoted today. The archaic form (or really old meaning) was to GIVE great joy to someone or something. We are to give great joy to God, worship. During and while, we are to pray, give it up to God. During and while, we are to be thankful we have a Lord that sustains and keeps us. Said like that, it sounds so simple, why doesn't everyone do it?
Because we are created for it, but have a sinful nature that prevents us from doing it naturally. It takes work, being a Christian. Endless and continual work and discipline. Mr Osteen generally glosses over that point, which is why many of his flock get so disillusioned so quickly. I should stop doing that, I don't know the man personally, I only see what he puts on TV. But, what he puts on TV is dangerous. That smiling, genial, God wants to give to you message is dangerous. God does want to give to you, but He is not going to take you out of the world. The world is going to continually take from you. YOU have to decide to not be of the world, for God to continually give to you. It is work and discipline.
I wish it was not, especially the last few days. An OCD, military trained, disciplinarian like me would seem to be a natural. But, it can be a distraction. I get so wrapped up in what did not work on my list for the day, that I forget I am not making the list. I am just doing my part to live out God's list. And, I miss doing that well, almost every single day. When my list is more important to me than God's, my problems start. When I am disciplined to give it up to God, rejoice, pray and give thanks; my problems end.
The prayer book is a good thing, and I am not going to stop it. I am going to try to do more of it. But, at the end of the day, my list of prayers is just for me to really see where I am not praying for the right things. It does not change God's list or plan. That is my lesson from the last week.
I rejoice, and pray, and give thanks, for what has happened is God's will, for me, in Christ Jesus. The big news there is not the stuff that happened. The big news is that God has a will (plan) for me, and it is to be in Christ Jesus.
When I think of it that way it is a lot easier to rejoice, pray, and give thanks. It is not easier. It is less difficult. I am still Joe, and I don't have it down. But, I am learning. That is number one on my list.
GLYASDI
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