Today marks two years that I have been married to my wife. In many ways, it feels like yesterday, and likewise it feels like we have been together all of our adult lives. That is a good thing. We are complimentary. We have love that overcomes our differences, and I am responsible for the cross words, if we have any, and that is purely my fault and my temper.
What we do not lack, is love and appreciation for our time together. In these short months we have been together, we have been inundated with family change. Deaths of people we loved, breakups in the family, reconciliations in the family, family members moving, us contemplating moving. It has been a full package, our short time together.
I suppose that is why it also feels like, in some ways, we have always been together. What we have presided over together is a full life for some couples. The fact that we have done it together, and without serious disagreement, has cemented our relationship.
Maybe you could look at the arch of my life in the last 3 years, and think that I am a very unlucky man. Lots of things that were unpleasant and unfortunate happened. I was sick a large segment of that time, though I tried my best to live as if I were not. I had two major surgeries. I lost my wife, my grandmother, my father and my sister. Katrina lost her nephew, step father and an uncle. That is a pretty big tally for any family.
But, when I lay down at night, and have those quiet few moments before I sleep, that is focused time with just me and God, I do not think about those things. When I have those few moments, that are just me and God, and quiet, I thank Him for the amazing bounty with which He has filled my life. I thank Him for the joy with which He has filled my heart. I thank Him that I have gotten to experience the full and abundant life that I have.
Sometimes, I do cry to Him. It is in pain and grief, not sorrow. Sorrow in my mind is wrapped up in regret and should have dones. I battled sorrow for a while. I suspected that I had many things to regret and that I should have done. But, God gave me a person that helped me see that whether that was true or not, I could not reclaim time. You can't make things right with the past. You have to make peace with it. And, I did. It was not easy.
Grief is what I feel over loss. I grieve for the losses I have sustained. Everyday, I grieve for those four people, and others before that. Not because I can't get past it, but because they were wonderful people in my life that I miss. With all of them, there were things that should have been done differently. I could list a long litany of things that I did that I should not, if I were to study on it and spend the time. I will not.
I have a beautiful, wonderful, caring, sensitive, giving, appreciative, funny, happy, glorious partner in crime, and wife. She makes me smile when I wake up, she makes me smile all through the day, she makes me smile as I go to sleep. I wish everyone on the planet had that experience. I don't think we will ever see world peace or harmony, but I tell you, to get there, we all have to have that experience.
The only important thing, outside of our relationship, that makes our life better, is our children. We have four wonderful children, and through them four more wonderful people in our family. They are a source of worry, concern and prayer to us. We are their parents. But, they are a much larger source of joy and happiness and love. They frustrate me at times. None of their personalities match mine, or they are way too much like mine. That is inescapable in a family. 35 years ago, my brother and I could not get through a day without tearing into each other at some point. Now, I cannot imagine a greater source of strength and love than my brother. It comes with time. These four of ours have not been adults all that long, and since we aint that old, neither have we.
They are, however, ours. Whether we get frustrated, worried, concerned, happy, sad, they are ours. I think about that and thank God for that. I have amazing kids, all of them. And I love them all. We don't have step kids, or Katrina's kids, or Joe's kids. We have our kids. We love them like that, we treat them like that, and we will always honor them like that.
I have had two years of happiness and joy that not many men are able to experience in life, and I expect to live many more. It means everything to me today, and I intend to live like that. I take the Scripture to heart, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. We plan for the future, but do not worry about tomorrow. We have way too much going on today, to have time for that mess.
I wrote this, because it is what I woke up thinking about. It not an unusual thing for my waking thoughts. I spend some time every morning, because I get up so early, sitting in the quiet dark, and thinking. I like that time almost as much as going to bed, though it precedes going to work. Mornings are a good time for me. I am better at mornings than nights. And, I think most often about the blessings I have. You get to choose whether you think about blessings or curses. I don't have time for curses, I have too many blessings.
And, Katrina is my chief blessing. I have to go, and get ready to wish her Happy Anniversary. I wish you all the best, because I am living it, and I hope that you get it in your life, if you don't have it. If you have it, don't wait for a "special" occasion to recognize it. It feels like our anniversary everyday, and I hope I treat Katrina like it is, every day. There is not time to wait, if you feel you have something to say or do. Tomorrow will worry about itself, but it gets here in a big ole hurry.
I live for today, and I am going to try to make today special. But, I do that every day. I urge you to do the same. It is the best medicine on the planet.
GLYASDI
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