I have a passion for history and old photographs. I love knowing the stories, and seeing the faces of those I never met. In my family in particular, there is absolutely no doubt as to who is in our family from pictures.
There is a distinctive appearance in our family, a facial structure and build that is unmistakable. I look at hundred year old photographs, and some of them are like looking in a mirror. When I can put a name to the face, a face so similar to my own, or to members of my family, it is a connection. I feel like I know them, at least a small amount.
I look at family history and photos quite frequently. It is a quiet pastime for me, usually in the morning, while the rest of my thoughts are getting straightened out in my head. Sometimes, though, it has to happen, because of life events.
We went through family photos these last few days, trying to find the set of pictures for my father's funeral. It is hard. The photos remind me of all the things that are water under our family bridge. There are some tough memories in there. Sickness, injury, tragedy, loss. We have them, as does every other family in the world. This is the way it is, there are things.
But, what I found is that we have few of those. We have so many, many more great memories. The pictures remind us of the time when...
We have issues in our family. We don't have it all figured out. We are not immune to bad things, bad decisions, addiction, all that stuff. It is there, and we are dealing with it, every day. We are not what you would call wealthy. We are not starving, but, none of us have excess dollars for things that are frivolous. Who does right?
So, we are not reality TV in either direction. We are not Keeping up the the K's, they can go on and go where they are going. We are also not in Lizard Lick, and that is fine as well. We are just an American family. We have some in jail. We have some in ministry. We have some that work with their hands for their livelihood. We have some that work in professional roles. We have some that can't recall the last time they did not wear camo as part of their daily wardrobe. We have some that wear a uniform.
We don't all get along, nor have we all done the right thing by each other. I am ashamed to admit to you that I can catalog most of the wrongs done to me, because that is one of my biggest struggles in forgiveness. There actually is a lot of wrong doing. We are people, no better or worse than anyone else, which means we do a lot of wrong stuff. Generally, we don't have any ill intention to each other. Sometimes, we intend the hell out of bad things. And, we are Scots-Irish, we know it hurts worse when it is family. We make use of that.
I am going through all of this, not to portray my family, that I love dearly, as some kind of crazed tribe of warring clans. I am just saying that we are about as par for the course as you can shoot, on an American course.
And, even though we are par, average, in the norm, non-outlying, within the lines, all of those things; we are still breathtaking in scope. A simple statement about a repair needed on a car can result in 20 people angry at one another, all for a different reason, 18 of them because of stuff said to get back at someone that they were not even speaking to, or even heard themselves. God forbid that we have an actual event or get together for "all" of us. Guaranteed that there will be at least one near (or real) fist fight, several arguments, probably some drunkenness and definitely a blow out over who "cheated" at cornhole/kick ball/Scrabble.
We do all of this, with each other, knowing it is coming, but unable to stop ourselves. It is just part of the risk profile. Against that, we balance the fact that with all the turmoil, all the stress, all the conflict, we are still the most entertaining, interesting and loving people any of us have ever known.
We love each other enough that even with the inevitable, it is still just so much fun and so warm and loving to be with these people, it is worth it. I think that was one of the chief lessons of my Daddy's life. He tried very hard to let us all understand that us being together, being us, is the goal.
We will not have a red carpet event. No one is likely to have an award. It may even be my turn to end up with skinned knuckles and rib bruises. But, coming together with this crew, to remember and celebrate one of the most decent, loving and family focused men I have ever encountered, we are going to be the most comfort and the most fun and the most loving people we can imagine, for each other.
It is just us. I look at the old pictures and wonder how many of the crooked noses were family inflicted 100 years ago. I know that where we are, is not new to this genetic pool. Every generation has to accept it, has to learn to cope with it, and try their best to eliminate it.
I don't want to do this, because I don't want my Daddy to be dead. I want very much to see my family, to be with them. It sucks why we are doing it, and raw emotion will contribute to the difficulty we experience. But, before we all leave, we will hug each other. We will say "I love you," and mean it. We will laugh, when someone falls, before we help them up. We will laugh, when we fall down ourselves, before we get up. We will not have an easy time of it.
But we will have a loving time. We will have a family time. And, I love them. I would not trade any of them. And I am positive you do not want to try to get between me and them. I made my living being a warrior for 21 years, but learned all about fighting from these people. Bad as I am, you do not want my cousins after you. If we get together and get after you, we'll scare Liam Neeson.
I miss Daddy, I miss my family, I miss the world as it was. I wish our pictures of all of us were not almost entirely from funerals. But, I know that the old pictures, the stories I stare at, they are almost all from funerals and gathering the family for that.
We will be at Sacred Heart Catholic Church, as we have been for the better part of 350 years doing this. It is so familiar, and so sad. But it is also good. I love and miss all of these people. They miss me. They are worth it, every one of them. That was Daddy's main lesson. To him, and to me, we were all worth it.
I love you and miss you Daddy. I think that the family will outdo itself, and maybe even without any stress. Well, no, too late. But we love you, all of us. We know you loved us. 100 years from now, someone will look at my crooked nose and wonder who gave it to me. For the record, it was not a member of the family. But the crooked pinky and the two mangled toes, they came from previous dust ups at gatherings.
GLYASDI
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