Now What?

Getting up and getting going is one of my talents.  I am a morning person, always have been.  I do best early in the day.  I guess the craziness in my head when I am dreaming gets me motivated to make sense out of thoughts.

I am not sure what the difference the last few days have been about getting up when I am on vacation, and getting up when I am facing all the rest of my time.  But, there is a difference.  Now what?  What am I getting up for?  What am I taming the mental chaos to clarity for?  What is the next priority?

Most people do not need to order their priorities into groupings based on urgency.  I am trained from the time I was 19, that not only should I, but we very well may face nuclear armageddon if I do not.  Maybe that won't happen, but for your sake and mine, I just get things sorted out right quick.

So, what are the priorities now?  Kids are grown and stable, as much as any of us are.  House is going to close and move on to a new family that needs the size and the location.  Job has been deposited off of me, and hopefully onto someone full of talent and drive to take the whole team to the next level.

When I was a young man, I kept a list of things that others told me I could not do.  It was my never ending source of inspiration.  I used it as my axe to grind, and I ground that axe down to a fillet knife.  But, you better believe, I lined them all up and knocked them off one by one.

I was talking to a friend about that, even showed him the list.  He smiled, and looked at me and said, you will never be able to be six foot tall.  That was all he said in that discussion.  I didn't speak much, just kind of let that sink in.

First, it is a true douchebag thing to say to someone.  Second, he was absolutely and positively right.  Third, nothing I would do would ever make me six feet, without cheating, and I would know I was cheating.  Fourth, it kind of made the whole list of grievances paid thing look kind of douchey too.

One of those chance conversations to pass time underway, and it really kind of torpedoed my whole approach to life.  I never explained to him how much it rocked me.  It really kind of screwed me up Brad.  But, God planted that seed there.  Within 6 months I would retire from the Navy, because I did not like the life choices the Navy left me and my family.

I have spent the last 10 years doing something I loved.  I really loved making things better at that facility.  But, that too came to a close.  Now, we are ready to move, hopefully for the last time, and start this next part of my life.

I don't have a list of things people told me I can't do anymore.  I don't know what I will find to do that I love.  But, I know that I will keep looking until I find that thing.  Kind of came real yesterday as we were packing stuff up.  This is really happening.  And, for the first time since I was 16, I don't know what I will be doing in the immediate, short term, medium and long term future.

If you are a bit of a control freak, that prospect really could just kind of drive you batty.  Honestly, the thought of that kind of instability even two years ago would probably have had me mostly catatonic.  This morning, I am looking around at the packing I don't want to do...but not concerned that there is not a chiseled path in the stone of the world for me to follow.

I have an amazing life.  I am saved and redeemed.  I have family that loves me.  I have all my needs met.  And, I am content just waiting for the path God shows me.  I am much too young to not do something else.  But, I don't know what that something is.   Instead of being worried, I am content with where we are.

Content is a special thing.  It does not mean nothing new will come, it is an ever present state.  It could change in an instant.  But, it is a state that is in every way due to God's blessings.  Now what?  I am going to thank God for all that I have done.

I sifted through time and memories yesterday, the chief danger of packing.  You find stuff and nostalgia hits you and is nearly impossible to ignore.  Pictures of beautiful babies, friends that you haven't seen in 30+ years, moments of memory that are suddenly crystal clear and present.  I have had a wonderful life.  I have had amazing friends, unbelievable family, and experiences that few others in the world get to enjoy.

Now what?  I am thankful.  I don't know what comes next, but I know that the present is going to pass while I am giving thanks.  Whatever new chapter opens, if it opens in thankfulness, it cannot be a bad path.  The glory belongs to the glorious, and the thanks should be given by those that are thankful.  We should all be thankful.

Tomorrows dawn bright and clear when you wake giving thanks for yesterday.  It allows for God's peace to overtake your life.  John 14:27 Peace I leave you with; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  Psalms 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.  And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

We were made to be happy.  We were made to take comfort in, and depend upon the Lord.  We were not created to solve our own mystery.  We were not created to be triumphant individually.  We were created to be in communion continually with God.  That is the source of happiness, peace, goodness, mercy.  It is not in a job, or a relationship with another, or in some mantra, or in some new method for riches.  The source is singularly and only in God.

Now what?  I am going to be happier today than I have ever been.  Because if today is my last day, I do not want God thinking I did not understand and appreciate just exactly what He has done for me.  And, none of it has a price tag.  Those things are temporal and temporary and they should cause us no pause.  God have given me the ability to discharge my debts, maintain my family and bless others where and when I can.  If I fell short, it is not because God did not provide, it is because I did not trust.

For those moments, I am sorry.  For the rest, the overwhelming number of moments that are the rest of my life, I am thankful.  That is NOW.  God provides peace, love and support.  That is WHAT.  The rest, has always been, is now, and will always be in God's hands.  The less I touch the steering wheel, the straighter the road is.

God loves you and so do I.  And, God loves me.  Now what?  Get ready for amazing, cause that is what is coming.  Beautiful morning, wherever it is morning, you know.