What God Wants

How do we understand what God wants?  How do we interpret what God is telling us?  Sometimes, the question is moot, because it is ultimately clear.  We get to choose to listen and obey, or disobey and suffer the consequences.

But, most other times, God speaks clearly, but we hear dimly.  I say it that way, because in hindsight, I am always surprised at how clearly God was speaking to me, and how poorly I listened.  The signs are all there, the words are clear.  My attention and my understanding was lacking.

Usually, that is most often the case when I am pushing the hardest to hear God clearly.  When I need the most surety, is when I hear the least clearly.  I am of the opinion that that is all in my mind and heart.

I don't know about you, but when I am most stressed, when I am most hurt and most irritated, that is when I have the most concrete desire.  Instead of listening to the desire of God for my life, I project my desire and my vision onto God.  I am really not listening to God.  I am hoping to hear an echo of what I am saying to God.

Thankfully, God does not necessarily pay much attention to my desires.  Sometimes, they are way off base.  God has His own plan and His own timeline.  I can't mess it up.  I still, continually, try to get in the way.  I see such a short distance ahead, and try to drive based on that limited vision, instead of relying on the driver that sees all.

It is good that God is eternal and all.  Otherwise, He would get tired, fighting all of our steering wheel's onto the course He desires.  I don't intend to be disobedient or willful.  But, when I am most confused or concerned, when my personal feelings are most caught up in the moment, I forget that I am not in control.  I am not asking God for direction or leadership, I am asking God for validation.

Thankfully, I rarely get it.  Most often, when the things that are painful or most life altering occur, I am the most scared and terrified and confused.  I cannot see far enough down the path to see the opening and the clearing.  I have to find it in me to throw all of that concern on God, and let go.  I have to use the faith I profess, and have so little of, in reality, and let God.

This is most confusing and difficult with money.  When it comes to jobs, money, future security, it is very hard to trust the Lord.  I don't want to have to live on tuna and mac and cheese.  Been there, done that.  But, as something my wife posted on Facebook last night reminded me, God is not looking at my bank account to direct my life.  He is looking at my faith.  He does not care about the money, the security, the contingency that is provided by my bank account.

He knows perfectly well how He will sustain me, profit me, build me.  He does not care what is in my bank account, because that will never define me in His eyes.  I care about it.  I look at my responsibilities, I look at my role in the larger family.  I look at my back story and my process, and I am always afraid to step outside of that.

God has no fear, and see nothing of concern in what He has mapped out for me.  It is not that there will not be struggles, that there will not be issues, that I will not hit points that concern me and try me.  He knows that is coming because I am sinful.  He knows what He will do, and the future only holds good in His eyes.  I just can't see what He sees.

I need to let go of these strings that are holding me.  I need to act on the things that God has placed on my heart.  I need to step out in faith.  Because the stone stairwell I see under my feet is an illusion.  It is a rickety, dry rotted ladder that is about to collapse at any moment.  The real stone stairway to heaven is solely in the direction God points.  No matter how scary or cloudy or foggy it looks, it gets wider, stronger and more substantial the further you go.

Eventually, if I keep following my own path, I will get to the point I am standing on a ledge that is not as wide as my foot, and I will pitch off, into the black, swirling abyss of my lack of faith, only to immediately land on the stone foundation God built for me, I could not see.

So, this is time to see what happens, to start to order my life to where God is urging, to act on the words and directions God has put on my heart.  If I have faith, even as little as a mustard seed, I can move mountains.  He can certainly sustain me if I step out in His direction.  Honestly, I think the problem for all of us is that faith is one of those crazy qualities that just to develop enough to be as big as a mustard seed, is kind of like shoveling a pile of dirt the size of Mt. Everest.  That is all our doing and our issue.  Guess it is time to speak boldly and walk confidently.  I am sure what will happen, even if I don't know the outcome.  Just watch.

GLYASDI