No political mess or topical rants today. I woke up thinking about my life, and my priorities, and my focus. I don't know about anyone else, but I have a focus issue. I become way over-focused on inappropriate, or frivilous things, and remain under-focused on big issues.
In particular, it is hard for me to pray, as I am always struggling to stay on topic. I don't know if anyone else ever gets this issue, but I am like a retriever around a pack of squirrels when I am praying. "Holy Father, please watch over me as I (SQUIRREL)...did I remember to send the proposal to my boss?...watch over me as I (SQUIRREL)...did I fix the seal on the garage door?...ARRGH watch over me as I (SQUIRREL)...haven't heard from the boy, is he okay?..."
You can see the pattern. It has been a long standing and constant battle for me, all my life. My mind does not have an idle speed. I get easily distracted from a train of thought. And I always have. It leads to some awkward moments for me. I have learned that I have to focus, dial in directly on the issue, or it will not work. It can appear that I am lost, or ignoring everything else. I guess in a way I am, because otherwise, I don't get the task at hand completed.
One of the side benefits of my particulars, I always thought, was that I was naturally good at shifting gears in my head. I could manage multiple issues and events at the same time, because I could pick up directly where I left off, and the sudden shift did not discourage me. Now, I think that is wrong. I never got what I should have, out of things, because I stayed at such a high and superficial level, that I did not receive all that I should from the events going on.
It was not until I read something in the Old Testament, that I began to take action on my issues. In the Book of Haggai, Chapter 1:5-6, Now, therefor, thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways. You have sown much and harvested little. You eat, but you never have your fill. You clothe yourselves, but no one is warm. And he who earns wages does so to put them into a bag with holes.
That was exactly my condition. About 3,000 years ago, the entire people of God had developed a case of self-absorbed ADD. They were so entwined with the mundane facets and details of their lives, that they completely missed out on the extraordinary and incomprehensible that dwelt in their presence daily. I was so over committed to the world, I had neglected the reasons for the world.
I thought, wow, now this is a breakthrough! I can just utilize this factoid and CURE MYSELF of what is frustrating me. Life then multiplied itself and its complexity about 400 fold. I not only completely forgot about my revelation in the Word, I became even more lost in the soulless routine. I did not recognize the work of my enemy, nor take precautions against it. I struggled even more profoundly to organize my thoughts, not just my prayers. I thought I was actually better though, because I had learned to narrow the focus down to a laser point. I could make myself completely absorbed in the moment, and get tasks down with a high degree of accuracy and detail.
I did not consider that this allowed nothing of the supernatural into my thinking. We have a prejudice on the word supernatural, because we have tagged things of the enemy with it. But, God is the very definition of supernatural. Without consciously accepting His presence and power, we are vulnerable to the parts of the supernatural that seek to distract and destroy us. God does not give us the method to CURE OURSELVES, that thinking is what earning wages to put into a bag with holes, is describing.
I have copied that passage into my prayer book. I read it every day, to remind myself that my pockets have holes in them. The only safe place to keep things is in the Lord. You don't earn wages with God, you receive rewards, free due to grace. Not only are your pockets not big enough for the least gift of God, they are not made of God stuff, so they cannot hold things of value to you. I believe that there are demons and a Devil. I believe that we are most at risk of their evil, when we take on the world with just what fits in our pockets. To deal effectively with the supernatural, you need supernatural power. That only resides in God.
I don't mean to preach, but I do mean to share my hard won experience. I am the victim of my own ego and pride. I have learned, though I am not in the habit of doing it constantly yet, that the rambling in my mind is my own doing. I start out praying for clarity, attention and peace.
I write down what I want to pray for. I literally read the list in my prayer time. Not because I cannot remember these things, nor because I want to make sure it is "right". I do it because it helps me focus on connecting. It helps me to feel, in my soul, that I own the emotion, the desire, the drive, I don't own the answers. I don't need to think about how God will do it, I just need to continue to put it in God's hands. I spend some time, as well, depositing in my God bank. If you can't put things of worth in your own pockets, you still have to put them somewhere.
For example, God gave me peace about an issue with my family that I have struggled with for years. That peace does not fit in my pocket. It is so clean and pure, I don't want it in my nasty pocket anyway. I have to give it back to God in thanks and acknowledgement. Then, I know it is there, whenver I need to withdraw a portion. The FDIC is nothing compared to God. What I have stored up with God, the FDIC cannot afford.
That was heavy on my heart this morning, to write down. I don't know why. I have been working on only using the Why? question at work. It is an inappropriate word to begin a sentence with, in the presence of God. Not only is He pretty clear that is none of our business, He also tells us repeatedly that in all things He works to our good. Asking God Why? is rebelling against that teaching. I am not saying it doesn't still happen between me and God. I am just working on it. Thankfully, I can tell He is working on me, in that regard.
This is another side benefit of writing down as much of my prayer life as I can. It is important to use the right words to convey the right request. I make sure that nothing I put down in my book is a Why? question. I only ask for the what's, praise over the how's, and try not to obsesss over the where's and when's. God does not see our linear time in the way we do. Nor does he see our broken world in the way we do. Where's and when's are perfectly logical, if you can see them from perfect eyes. Since we can't, it is best to stay out of that area, leave it to God.
So, we sow, we eat, we drink, we work, but it comes to naught. We have to live in the palm of God's hand, first, then sow, eat, drink, work. That way, what we are doing, (the What's) deliver the needs and desires (the How's). We only gain in that way. I can show you thousands of examples of "famous/rich" people that are miserable, self-absorbed, and lost. Regardless of what they have, inside their pockets are still full of holes. No amount they make will ever accumulate in them.
I have had to work hard to understand that what I do everyday is not about me, or my skill, or my knowledge. It is supposed to be about my belief and my faith in the brethren. I fail at that miserably most days. I take it to God in prayer every day. I get richer every day. I am easily the richest man you have ever encountered, though I have no idea what is in our bank account, but it never has more than 2 zeroes before the decimal point. That number is immaterial. What I have done in the Lord, has come to much. What I have done in the world has come to little. That was a humbling message to hear, and to work on learning.
I am not there, but I am trusting God for the where's and when's. I keep focused on the what's, and celebrate the how's. I am richer than Solomon, if you ask me.
GLYASDI
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